I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
