We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
