uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
