Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
