White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
