The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
