He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
