I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
