I want to make a zoo with you.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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