I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
