I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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