Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
