Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize