I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
