dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
