Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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