I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize