Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize