sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
