Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
