i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
