I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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