I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
