just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize