my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
The ass gains better be worth it
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