I'm really into asian looking animals
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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