I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
