his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
