The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
