Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
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