is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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