no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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