im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
