He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
