I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
