don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
