The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
