And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
