I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
