I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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