My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
