I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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