Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
