i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
