i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
