I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
organizing the empties. That sober.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
