I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
