8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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