i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
