Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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