Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize