i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
