I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
