i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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