I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
