I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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