Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
