dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
