Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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