NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize