this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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