Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
