So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize