Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
