I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize