If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
